23 MAR 2023

mood:
listening to: jeremy soule - wings of kynareth
weather: warm, sunny

today was the first day that it really felt like spring! it was so warm and humid today, i wish i could've spent the whole day roaming around outside. i haven't written any just because ive been so down this week, i'm not sure what's going on. there's just this funk i've gotten into and i can't seem to get out of and i'm so scattered trying to figure out what i need to do with my life.

i was really out of it this morning and when i sat down for my 10 am class i got really anxious. it wasn't even 10 minutes before i got up and left class, i wouldn't have bothered even showing up today but for some reason i thought we had a lab.

so i got in my car and drove to the next town over to get a coffee and something to eat before deciding to just drive for a while. i figured i'd go ahead and skip my afternoon class too since i've had perfect attendance for all of them and i just couldn't bring myself to be at the school at that moment since it's been the source of all my anxiety and worrying.

so i drove and drove and eventually ended up on the parkway and ended up on attakulla. it's really crazy how quickly the temperature changes as you go up the mountain and the way the foliage changes too. it felt like i was in another world when the hardwoods gave way to lush spruce and fir that you only see at those higher elevations.

and it was so quiet too! i parked at an overlook and got out to just sit on the side of the slope in the grass and listen to the wind come rushing through the valley. it really was special, i haven't heard quiet like that since i was living in the village i moved from. sometimes i wish i had never lived there because it changed me, i used to be able to live comfortably in cities with noise/around lots of people and traffic but now it's killing me. got a taste for peace and quiet and ive never been the same since...

the pines here are so funny too, i grew up in SETX which is home to lots of longleaf pine. then i went to south carolina which also has tons of longleaf and i ended up in the part of NC that is also a longleaf haven. longleaf wherever i went, it's my favorite tree and its followed me all through my life. now i live where there's not much of it, mostly hemlock and spruce and some shortleaf too.

i guess it's funny to think so highly about one specific type of tree but to me it's so special. i walk through some of these pine forests here and it's definitely special in their own right, needles upon needles of low-hanging branches that block out the sun. but there's something so special about a longleaf pine forest...there's nothing like the feeling you get walking through it. and the yearly burnings to help develop the saplings, every spring/summer they'd burn the forests near where i lived and the smell makes me think of the hot sun

dont get me wrong, i love living somewhere where i can see the mountains and where i'm just a short drive away from so many parks and gorge rivers to swim in... but i really really miss being able to slip into the woodline and sit in a longleaf forest. my old neighborhood was in a longleaf forest and the houses were tucked away amongst the trees with pine straw instead of yards and i would love to have a house like that.

anyways, i drove a while then eventually made it off the mountain and back at school in time for work. got a random charge for 930$ in "course fees" from the school when i only had one class with a fee and it was only 50, so that's something i get to try and figure out w/ student accounts tomorrow. it's allllllways something.

but today is my friday so i have the weekend ahead of me and all my homework is done so i can finally not think about any of it and try to get myself straightened out again. i'll share some photos with you from today, i had my phone lenses with me so i played with the telephoto one some more. it's really ridiculous looking having a big ass lens attached to your iphone like that and it doesn't work very well, but i think it looks kind of cool... sort of like looking through a spyglass...

hopefully in the next few months i'll be able to get a little camera, i want to save up some more money first because i hate making big purchases. anyways have a good night i hope you guys r doing well and that you like these pics!!

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