01.18.25
hiii hello everyone hows it going? we got some snow from that last big winter storm that blew through, it warmed up enough today to finally melt everything away but there's still some white patches up in the mountains. it's gonna get real cold again soon though, so i'm not holding my breath. if anything i'm dreading having to walk to class every day in the cold, but i'm trying my best to look forward to starting school again this week. i've been bracing myself but i really don't need to, i finally finished all my general requirements last semester so i can literally just take fun low stakes classes for the rest of my time in school. this semester i'm in an upper level painting course and i'll be doing a video course too- really looking forward to that one because i want to learn more about film processing before i start my darkroom job.
been savoring the last few days of my break, i'm at the point now where it feels weird to sit at my computer and not be doing something creative. i know- shocking... ive been Doing shit!!!! one of the things i've been working on is quinn, the script for the first chapter is done and i'm ready to start work on it. however, i don't plan on actually beginning work on it until i've finished scripting out the rest of the chapters (i'm on 3/10 right now!) so that way if anything needs to get changed i can alter it without worrying. i'm also taking a different approach to how it's structured this time, i think i was so worried about how it was 'supposed' to look as a webcomic, but this time i'm throwing that away and going off intuition alone. balls to the wall... it's gonna look however i feel like it should look, and how i think it flows. it took some time for me to realize that it shouldn't 'look' any particular way despite how other comics look - it should simply be a medium to tell a story and it should tell that story as best as it can without worrying about constraints.
i guess that's common sense to a lot of people though, but what can i say... i get caught up in the little things =P i hope i can really keep my creative spark up, it's going to be difficult juggling studio classes and personal work again but i feel like now that i'm in upper level courses it'll be easier for me to mesh the two a little more. i'm also taking way less credits this semester so i think my work-school-life balance will be a little better this semester and (HOPEFULLY) i'll freak the fuck out a little less.
here's a sketch of alfred i'm currently working on, i drew it up a week or so ago and haven't gotten around to polishing it up/start finishing it because i'm stuck on a few details. the pose needs some tweaking, i need to decide on an expression for him/what direction i want him to be looking and most importantly, i need to decide what his tramp stamp says. slater and i have been going back and forth with ideas, i think 'skank' in a sweeping script is pretty funny but 'sexy bitch' is also pretty good. and you best believe he's gonna be in the bedazzled jeans... there's a few other self-indulgent things i've drawn a few days ago, but this is all i can give you:
there's so many brushes in my CSP library so i've been trying to go through them, so i did a very messy little thing with louis. i need to go through and actually clean up my brushes/organize them, get rid of the ones that i don't use, etc. but ... i dont want to.... it's been good to get back in the groove of drawing shit though, i feel all my brain cells starting to wake back up one by one. just gotta keep it going though.
well i think thats all i have for now, hope you all are keeping warm peace luv harmony for all of equestria. ill write again asap =] (hopefully with more art to share)
01.08.25
well here we are with the first official blog post of 2025! i've just been taking it easy, most of my break has been spent playing through stalker 2 but i've also been trying to get back into drawing some. it's a little frustrating because i know that by the time i get back into the swing of things with art and actually feeling inspired again, my break will be over. this happened to me last year too =/ it's really really hard for me to find a work/school/life balance, work and school just kind of takes over everything else in my life. this year i'm trying to make more of a (realistic) effort with art, and try to draw something at least once a week even if it's just a really loose and messy sketch.
tbh it's kind of depressing, i used to always have a sketchbook with me wherever i went and almost all my free time was spent with my wacom in my lap working on something. now i work a labor job so no time to sketch at work and during class i have to pay attention to every little thing if i wanna scrape by lol maybe things will change a little this semester since i'm taking less credits. after this summer i'll also be in a new job, so maybe that will change stuff up. i just really, really miss drawing. i see my friends drawing and writing stories and i feel sooooo sad because i miss doing it so much, it just feels like all the life is being sucked out of me by external factors right now.
well what a way to start off my first post of the year, i promise it's not all doom and gloom over here lol. here's a meet the artist i made for my bluesky since i realized i didnt have one up there yet and i wanted to make a pinned, but the quality got crushed to death so i'll probably remake it (at least the text part):
the text is just WAY too small, it looked fine fullscreen on paint but compressed on bluesky/resized on here it just doesn't translate, so i'm gonna fix that up at some point. or maybe just do a completely new one.. i never know what the hell to put on these, for someone who starts so many sentences with "i" it's hard for me to come up with anything worthwhile to say about myself. tbh i just ended up copying and pasting what's on my about page here. anyways, thought i'd throw this in here so i wouldn't be completely empty handed this post. there's also a landscape background i started working on for some stalker fanart, but it's kind of huge and really loose so for now just take this little snippet:
which... stalker 2... where do i even start? i'm still not finished yet and i've been able to stay Mostly spoiler free, so i'm nervous for how it's all going to turn out. i really love what they've done with all the characters and how they've taken the story, it's so upsetting but i can't get away from it. to me, stalker is one of the best pieces of art out there... every part of it, like how it borrows from its source material, the source material itself (both tarkovsky's stalker and roadside picnic), it's all so endlessly good. the universe that GSC created will always be my favorite out of all of it, and that's coming from someone who is diehard about roadside picnic. i almost want to bring back my shrine pages just so i can revamp my stalker one, or maybe even make a fansite or something.
i won't say too much of my actual thoughts just yet on HoC, just because i feel like it's still too early to blast spoilers (i'll post warnings of course when i do get around to writing about it here) and i want to finish the game in its entirety first. the events that happen at the midway point of the game hurt me soooo fucking bad bro =[ like i literally felt sick to my stomach thinking about it all!!!! thats how you know its good storytelling though i guess. maybe that'll be my next website project, a big stalker fansite. we'll see what happens. =] i also went and reposted a shitload of my OLD stalker fanart on my tumblr, so check that out .... if you want...
and if you haven't played stalker - do it. the first game is almost 20 years old now and it shows its age, but do it! if you don't like FPS games, still give it a go because you'll see that it's way more than that. if anything, watch a video essay on it and go down the rabbit hole... you won't regret it =] seriously one of my favorite stories of all time, i love the zone and everything in it so much.
anyways, that's all i've got for now. please go play stalker if you haven't already and ill be back soon! take it easy!
12.31.24
another year come and gone... 2024 felt like both the longest and the fastest year ever. wanted to get in one last blog entry before 2025 comes knocking! this next coming year i think i will mainly be using my blog to post sketches, i'm not big on resolutions but one thing i want to start doing more is to draw something at LEAST once a week. i've been feeling a little inspired to draw, especially now that i'm on break, but i've squandered most of my free time away because slater got me stalker 2 for christmas... unfortunatley im INSANELY addicted
long time stalker fan, die hard SoC enjoyer, i was a little hesitant about picking up HoC just because i heard so many mixed reviews but man omgggg it's so good. i'm a little under halfway through the game and i'm blown away by how despite all the bugs, it's still such a good game and it feels so much like how the original did. not in the sense that it feels like the same game, but it elicits those same feelings that SoC does for me. and the ability to switch the voiceover language to ukrainian is a total lifesaver... pick it up... you won't regret it
but i do plan on getting some art in while i'm on break, i can't spend all of it on stalker... or can i... anyways, just wanted to pop in and wish everyone a happy new year and i can't wait to see what 2025 brings for us all =]
12.24.24
hi everyone! its christmas eve here in NC. we had to make a last minute stop by the liquor store to pick up a gift for some family that we're seeing tomorrow, but other than that we've been just chilling out and taking it easy. tomorrow we'll make the drive out to see everyone, it'll be good to see family after everything that's happened this year. it's a little sad not seeing my parents this year, at this point it's been almost 2 years since i last saw my mom - something really unusual for me. i think this is the longest i've been without seeing her in my life- i always made it a point to travel to texas to see them for the holidays but i just wasn't able to swing it this year. tickets are too expensive and the drive is really long/hard to do solo.
my dad had neck surgery around thanksgiving so he's been down and out recovering, and every year my mom's work picks up even more around end of the year/beginning of the new year. so it's been really, really hard to co-ordinate seeing each other... being in school also adds another layer of difficulty to it all, it's not like i can just pick up and leave during the semester for a week. they've been talking about moving out to this area for a really long time now, and i wish they'd just do it. it would be so nice to have my family close by (despite it all lol)
tomorrow we're going to wake up really early to head out to see slater's family, so tonight we plan on exchanging the gifts we got for each other here at our place. slater's going to make makaronia me kima for us tonight, it's something super fast/simple. i think for the rest of winter break i'm going to try and cook more, it's amazing how much more energy i have when i'm not worrying about school.
also been trying to draw everyday, haven't been super successful but i'm just trying to ease back into the feeling of actually drawing. i also have some canvases i plan on prepping so i can get familiar with painting again before next semester starts and i'm struggling to remember how to do it all over again.
well, that's all i really got for now! i hope everyone is having a super cozy winter! stay warm and i'll try to write some before the new year sneaks up on us.
12.20.24
its finally over... i am oficially Done with this semester as of today! i had turned in all my final essays last weekend, but i still had a few classes to attend/a film screening for one class, then i had my last final exam this morning. i had spent a ton of time studying the stuff that i felt weakest on/was most worried about only for there to be one little multiple choice question about it. oh well =P can't go back and change it now - it is what it is. said goodbye to my friend who is graduating but i think she's coming by later to drop off a hairdrier that i had lent her. it's a weird feeling having friends who you only know for a really short amount of time before having to move away from them and not know when you'll see them again. it's something that i'm pretty used to because of my previous job/lifestyle but i'm still not used to it! it's definitely kind of a weird vibe with the end of this semester- last year there was so much excitement and buzz in the air but i think because of the hurricane we were all just kind of hanging on for dear life/burnt out by the end of everything. like i thought i would be SO hype right now but i'm really, really sleepy and might knock out here after i write this.
but don't think that this means i'm going to be out of it all winter- i have some big plans that i'm starting to work on! i'm starting work on quinn again, i know i keep saying this but i feel like i have a much more concrete direction for things to go in now which was what was stopping me before. but for now i just need to kind of chill out for a day or two... think i'm going to eat some udon tonight and just chill on star stable =P we'll see. ill update you guyts with some sketches/plans soon!
12.14.24
it's been a cold cold two weeks since i've last written here, we got a little bit of snow a couple of times but nothing that really stuck to the ground. for whatever reason i feel like i wrote an entry recently then just deleted it instead of posting, i have no clue why i didn't just post it? well, anyways... i recently got an offer for a new job starting next fall, so i jumped right on it =] this way i'll be able to finish up some stuff at my current job, then move on to the next thing where i'll probably stay put at for a few years. my only problem is that it won't be outside with plants, which kind of sucks. i've really grown to love working with plants and doing landscape design, it's just the work environment i'm currently in is making me really unhappy and it's really hard on my body.
which, speaking of... about to try and start the whole fiasco of getting that hip problem diagnosed again. yes, it's been almost 2 years of me trying to get this diagnosed. it felt like i was FINALLY making some progess, i was going to get referred to another clinic and i was going to meet with someone else about my claim, then the hurricane happened and i haven't been able to get ahold of anyone since. so now i'm going to have to start all over again from square one... i need to get back into going to the gym, i think getting out of a labor-intensive job is going to help me with that and i can hopefully start strengthening those muscles again. there's been a lot of pain recently, i think those steroid shots i got around this time last year have either started to wear off or have worn off.
but enough of that! i think i'm finally finished with all of my classwork. well, i'm just waiting to do one more final then i'm done. i took one of my finals today and only missed one question, then submitted two of my final papers. there's only one more exam i have to take, but that's at the very end of the week on friday...tbh i wish i could just go and get it over with. but even then i'm already feeling so much lighter like a weight was lifted off of me. already starting to get the itch to get back into drawing more frequently, and i want to start writing for quinn again.
i constantly bring up starting to work on quinn slowly once more but it's been hard these last few years. tbh i didn't want to admit it for a while,but i think i just got burnt out on working on it and i completely lost sight of my own characters/story. taking a big step ack from it for a while and thinking about other things has been helpful to me, and i keep trying to come back and revisit quinn to see if interest gets sparked again- which it does! but its always so brief and i have so much on my plate than i did before. but i think now that i'll have a little more time and energy to devote to my art soon i'll start doing more with it. we'll see what happens. either way it'll be slow going for a bit but i do still feel really passionate about the story and want to share it.
well, don't have any art to share with you guys. it's been a rough couple of weeks while i scrambled to get everything done, but i think i'm over the hump now. i'll talk again soon, i plan on picking up stalker 2 after this week so i'm sure i'll have lots to say on that...
yours truly + almost 3 months since helene and a lot of places still look like this. i still can't wrap my head around how high the water got.
12.01.24
hi guys! how's it going? i've added a second page to the blog to help break it up some, so now there's nto a giant wall of text to scroll through. images should also load better now. well, it's finally december... 4 more weeks and 2024 will be over, that feels so fucking weird to say!! this year has flown by, i know i said the same thing about last year and probably the year before that but it really feels like time just slipped right on past me this year.
well, i've been a little quiet on here just because of everything going on. school has been a nightmare, trying to make up for the time we lost out on during the flood has made things feel so rushed and stressful. feels like every night i'm having dreams about missing homework assignments, having a surprise test, etc etc. i was so excited to have a little break from school/work with thanksgiving weekend, but i ended up getting sick at the beginning of the week... thankfully it cleared up by the time break rolled around, but i'm still coughing up a bunch of nasty shit from being congested.
then on thanksgiving we woke up and simon was hiding under my desk. he normally wakes us up every morning begging for breakfast, but today he didn't beg at all... he wouldn't move, wouldn't come out for food or anything so we were really worried. we waited a little bit to see if he just needed to throw up, but after a little bit we decided to take him in to the ER vet. thankfully there were no obstructions or anything like that, we think it was a problem with a medication the vet had put him on to help with his IBS. he's off of that now though and on a probiotic instead, so we're hoping we can correct it with a planned diet and monitoring him for a while... he really gave us a scare with that though (but don't worry he is back to being 100%!)
over on bluesky, i've been doing a thread where i introduce 1 oc per 1 like the thread gets. the likes have surpassed the amount of ocs i currently have, but i thought i would have some fun with it and make little intro cards for each oc i'm posting about.
these are the ones i've made so far, it's hard to try and fit all this information into short concise posts on bluesky. especially when it comes out to my really fleshed out characters, like clive and quinn. doing it like this helps a bunch though, especially for characters that i don't have any art of like my stalker (as in the series stalker) oc tima... i don't think i have more than 2 pictures of him. i want to share more about my characters, but it's difficult trying to get out all my thoughts in a way that makes sense and sounds good. it feels like i'm always leaving something out/missing something important any time i try to make a toyhouse page or an oc page on my neocities.
i've played around with the idea of having character pages here on my personal site instead of keeping everything on toyhouse, but i've never really been able to flesh them out to the extent i'd like to on here. it also feels like 'who is going to actually GAF about this?' whenever i'm making it which in itself is just a silly idea because. it's my site bla bla bla i do what i want etc. i guess at the end of the day, it just feels a lot easier to set up a character page on toyhouse and throw a bunch of images in their gallery and move on. but maybe in the future i'll sit down and craft some fun individually themed pages for each of my ocs. toyhouse's custom CSS is great, but i do like the complete and Total control a webpage gives you.
speaking of stalker, has anyone picked up stalker 2 yet? i'm holding off until the semester is over, the last thing i need is to get sucked back into my favorite series right when finals are lurking right around the corner TT_TT it'll be a nice little gift to myself i guess. it's been a really stressful year and i can't wait for it to be over!! currently i'm doing the whole 'what are we doing for the holidays?' song and dance with my family and it's making me want to rip my hair out. we gotta get everyone living in the same state, i think that would make things 100x easier...
well, i think that's all i have for you guys, kind of a long one sorry lmao. i was putting off writing a blog entry until i felt like sitting down and splitting my blog pages up. anyways hope you guys are taking it easy and enjoying winter =] see ya next time!