03 FEB 2023
mood: 
listening to: beirut - the crossing
weather: rainy, windy
i woke up today and it was pouring down rain, made myself late for school because i had to turn around and grab my rain jacket. by the time i made it to class it had stopped and by the time class was over the sun was out. oh well, id rather have my rain jacket and be late than have to work outside and get soaking wet.
work in general has been going good, i am starting to come around to my coworkers a little more. i think i am just overly guarded and judge people too quickly on how they are or judge them on how they think of me, smt im trying to get over.
school is making me feel a little crazy but i know it could definitely be harder. i'm just not used to being a fulltime student i guess but it is kind of fun actually understanding /how/ to learn stuff now where before my upbringing as a homeschooler left me feeling like i would be too stupid to learn anything. we'll see how i feel about this once i get to higher levels of chem/biology but for now i'm able to take things i can't comprehend and work at them until i do
i got all my assignments done so now i can just kind of chill out for the weekend. on tuesday i have to preform a ballad for my appalachian ballads class and that's got me feeling pretty nervous BUT ive been practicing for a few weeks now and i feel pretty good about it. i think lol
feels like i have all this time left today to just kind of dick around and do whatever, i'm not sure what i'll do though. i might run by ulta because i need more conditioner and i cant find the type i use anywhere else which kind of sucks because i don't like going to the mall esp on a friday
im in a horsey type of mood today... not sure why.. i am a big horse guy in general but here recently ive really been wanting to try and get back into riding again.
ages ago when i was a young teen i took riding "lessons" for free through our 4H group but it wasn't any type of disciplined riding or anything. it was just a handful of kids in a pen with this lady's horses that she provided for us to work with. in retrospect i cringe because we were all extremely unexperienced and she had us with really unsocialized horses who most of which came from rescue situations.
so while it was good experience, it was really dangerous to have us handling horses with next to no instruction. in general the leadership was really bad and i remember getting very frustrated with it as a kid, theres a huge difference between letting kids figure things out via problem solving and not telling kids extremely important things to ensure their safety. as a kid i thought i was the problem but our 4H group would ocassionally go to different barns and i'd see vastly different instruction styles that actually benefitted us. i fell out of riding eventually for a few different reasons, mostly because our 4H group fell apart and we didn't have money for me to continue taking lessons.
but now im grown and i have that itch again... ive been looking at different barns in the area that offer adult riding lessons but im just not sure, im shy + unconfident combo which is a double Disaster.
idk, the more i think about not pursuing lessons and just being fine with enjoying horses from afar, the more i get that urge to go for it!!!!!! arghhh maybe this summer i'll contact a barn close to my place that caught my interest, we'll see. if anything i just want to hang out around horses in general i love watching them
speaking of summer, i applied for a contract @ my current job to switch to fulltime this summer. there were a few jobs i was considering and i had an interview for a different summer job this week but after some thinking, i figure it would be fun to stay on this job for the summer. i might regret it though lol, we'll see.
well i think i might try and get to the mall before it gets too late so i can go pick up some more conditioner, maybe a pretzel.... we will see....... either way pce out and hang in there guys its almost spring break =]