mood:
listening: s.t.a.l.k.e.r OST
weather: clear and a little warm
time: 18:32

it's been a really long week maybe not long like how it normally feels long there was just so much stuff i needed to do + stuff i needed to do that didn't get done. started off the week handling some really tedious stuff at work which was a pain in the ass since it's just me and one other people getting stuff done right now. helped my coworker as much as i could all week and was getting home at 6-7 in the evening.

sort of all happened at the worst time possible because now is the time i really need space to get all my exit stuff done which i guess is no biggie, i still do have some time before i have to truly worry so i might as well get all my stuff done that needs to get done now... i do NOT want to be stressing about everything come a few months from now. lots of people i need to contact/need to contact me back.. feels like no one can freakingn call or email me back. super annoying.

my tasks for the week i've decided is get my work gear turned in and do my final appointment so i can actually start leaving. also need to email the school to see about what i need to do before the semester starts... they said someone would contact me midway throguh the fall semeseter and i feel like we're kind of at the midway point right? im not sure i havent gone to college since 2015 lol. i dont want to be worrying about filling out my FASFA/trying to activate my TA while trying to move.

which speaking of moving trying to find apartments right now has been complete and total chaos. i picked out about 3-4 of them that i think would be good matches i just need to actually tour them and see what they're like in person. 2 of them responded to me and i managed to get them scheduled for next saturday but i hope the others can also fit into that day since its' a 3 1/2 hour drive out there. dont have the time to be going back and forth out there multiple times esp when i'm already using up so much gas to drive the hour down to work. it feels like it's just hiting me all at once with all this stuff i need to do - something that i was Trying to avoid but was definitely not successful at.

wodnering if ill have time to squeeze in a haircut this week sometime too... i was going to try and let it go longer as i have pretty curly hair and i already know theyre going to mess it up so i dont want it lopped too short. but its definitely time.. i can feel how dead/dry my ends are despite the oil treatments ive been doing. this morning when i woke up i decided to straighten it so i wouldnt have to worry about doing my hair this week with all the stuff ill have to do for work and WOW you can really see the dead ends. its embarassing... definitely time to get the ends cleaned up at the very least. i think the last time i had long hair and got it cut was in 2011? my mom took me to JCPenny's to get it cut at the haircut place there after we messed it up trying to trim it and it came out looking even worse somehow so you can understand why i dont like getting my hair professionally cut

having shaved sides/short hair was easy and i learned how to get pretty good with the clippers but as far as trying to maintain/trim long hair??? let alone curly long hair?? U got me fucked up. not a single clue. the ends keep getting all balled up and its way too thick at the bottom so i'm hoping i can at least get the dead parts trimmed and the bottom thinned out.. having curly hair is so frustrating lol everytime i straighten it i get so sad like why can't it be this nice all the time!!

im slowly starting to get my inspiration back. not quite to the point where im like ah yes i will draw xyz a whole bunch like i was a few years ago but im starting to get that vague Twinge of "i feel the urge to make something" again. trying to restructure my daily routine to allow time to draw in the evening and not super late when i'm tired either. recently simon has started waking me up at 5 am wanting me to feed him which is SO frustrating lol i cant just ignore him and go back to sleep because he starts trying to break things or rip the carpet up from underneath the door. they've never done this before even back when i used to leave every morning for work at 5:30 they'd still let me sleep in on the weekends.

even if i go back to bed i end up oversleeping or just feeling exhausted for the rest of the day. like the sun isn't down yet and im already feeling the urge to go to bed for the night. i hope he stops soon, or at least i can somehow take advantage of him wanting to be up early to wake myself up earlier and get more out of my day/switch from evening walks to morning walks. easier said than done is for sure though

i was Flabbergasted yesterday.. had to scan my ID to confirm something and it said it was expired.. immediately i was like tf it is i just got this new one recently but i looked and it had been expired since freaking august yall. feeling Shocked and Releived nothing happened and i immeidately got it renewed/got a temporary license but omfg i felt so dumb. part of me knows i should just go to the DMV here and get my NC drivers license, i still have a TX one but something about that feels kind of sad... dont really have a desire to go back to TX at this point, esp since the weather up here is so nice and i'm established here now.. it's also less expensive but TX is where i grew up and sort of thought i'd be coming back to eventually

it Is better for me out of texas though i have no friends/connections down there anymore and haven't for years now so going back would be kind of pointless not to mention WTF would i do for work. im sure theres plenty of opportunities down in places like austin but i have pretty much No desire to live there again even though i did enjoy the short period of time that i was living there for... it would jsut make me feel weird i think. any time in the last few years i went back there it felt Super weird and im not sure why or what is triggering that Weird Feeling. only lived there for maybe 5-6 months before leaving for the east coast.

i think its maybe just that period of my life was difficult and strange and any time i go somewhere or hear something that makes me think about it it makes me just kind of Remember that shit... would definitely not want to go back and do it all over again thats for sure. my parents moved last year so i'm a little relieved that i dont have to worry about going back to that house even though it was really nice and comfortable. idk guess anything that makes me remember 2018-2019 is just soured for me now.

trying to think of what i'm going to add next to the site i do have a little list of ideas so ill probably tackle one of those ideas first. some shrine pages for stalker and starshine legacy games are in the work and potentially one for second life- maybe less of a shrine page and more of just a page to post screenshots on of my different avatars. i haven't really been playing as much the last year or two though just because it's kind of dead.. ive seen other people mention this for social MMOs but a lot of them are so dead now because people will AFK there while talking on discord. guilty of this too but to be honest most of the time im on SL i rarely see anyone else TO socialize with

i do think furcadia is still fun to walk around specifically to click on people and read their bios. people will write full on novels for their characters and their backstories and i like seeing the little portraits for the characters idk! plus its still fun to explore the old dreams. its good to see that its still around even after all these years.

well i guess that's all i really have to write about i think im going to take a shower and try to warm up since i'm freezing right now... then maybe ill try to draw or work on some of those new pages that i mentioned so until next time bros