mood:
listening: my fan
weather: cloudy, humid
time: 16:59

this week its been so unbearably humid thanks to the storm that hit florida all the remnants coming through here have made it just feel awful and soggy. my apartment does not have good air flow and the humidity is making it very hard to exist... droplets that got on the little mat in my bathroom from yesterday morning's shower are still there not dried yet feels so NASTY!! the storms that came throguh over the last few days really did make for some nice scenery though i took this picture yesterday. you can even see some nice fall colors still

feels like this week had a lot happen but not really i guess. there was just some things that i had been waiting to get done for a while now that i was finally able to get done (new id card for work was a huge one that had been bugging me) so i guess just handling all of that stuff made it feel like it was more busy than it rly was. yesterday i drove a total of 8 hours going to check out an apartment, this one seems really promising but i'm going to wait until after the long weekend before i make any decision about applying.

driving in all that rain/wind was a little nervewracking especially during veterans day when everyone was out and about trying to go do shit/go on day trips i had to be kind of cautious driving around and remind myself that if ppl dont like me going slow well they can simply go around . its hard but i am trying to become less of a people pleaser especially when it coems to putting myself at risk (ie driving 20 mph over the speed limit just because the dude behind me is too lazy to pass me in the left lane)

i am so tired today its not even funny i was tired yesterday from all the driving and being woken up too early and now today i am tired from being woken up multiple times last night by my dearest kitty and finally just getting up at 5 to feed him. i did manage to fall back asleep this time until about 8 when i woke up from it being so hot/humid in the room so i just laid there for a few hours before finally managing to get up.

bla bla i feel stuck i feel dead bla bla whatever you have already heard it from me probably about 16 hundred times before. but i really cannot shake the exhaustion today maybe its a combo of the weather and not having a solid night of sleep for a while and its all catching up to me now. starting to think that maybe the stress is just balling me up and im in the shut-down phase which ive been in for a little while this year. its hard to try and jumpstart yourself out of it but there is no forcing creativity or energy. i try to give myself space to just chill out and not get overwhelmed but im also someone who believes in consistency=results so taking a few days where i dont work out or study is probably needed but i don't like doing that very often as it makes me tempted to go back to doing nothing and feeling stressed out.

the sun setting so early has been helping me out a lot too. dont get me wrong i really like the long days in the summer but they also start to reach a point after a while where they kind of exhaust me because i just want the day to be over sometimes. that's kind of where i'm at right now, want to get the day over so i can be closer to getting the week over so i can be closer to getting the month over with etc.... there is so much i have to do...

let alone just this Week the amount of shit that i'll have to handle and of course right in the middle of it all is some stuff that has to be taken care of for work that's mandatory. i explained to them that i have appointments or situations come up that i might not be able to get out of but i already know it's going to be a shitshow if that happens. gave them the concrete dates for appointments that i have coming up this week and they kept prying, wanting to know what they were for etc. i never tell them more than school/medical/administrative but they just kept prying... SUPER annoying... the fact they were this nosey about it already makes me feel like they're going to have a bug up my ass the entire week.

the school feeling has me up down all over the place one moment ill be super excited and stoked to attend but then there is also part of me that is desperately trying to reel me back and be like "Okay be realistic but idk... is it unrealistic to feel like i have the potential to have a good time and be happy and earn a degree... i want to give myself permission 2 feel this way but it is Hard.. i am in such a weird point in my life right now you guys its so hard to elaborate im taking on a lot of new shit and having to let go of a lot of old shit not smt for the weak

last week i was working on some mockups of clives apartment because i want to make sure i have a lot of consistency with the indoor environments in my comic ie houses/decor/whatever spent a lot of time looking at old houses on zillow that are in the area that quinn takes place in and it got me feeling pretty nostalgic. i think its funny now how if you want to move to that area of texas you probably want to find a house that still looks that old, a lot of the shiny new places that go for a reasonable price are only new and shiny because they're in a flood zone and they got destroyed in one of the big storms that came through the last several years

you can click on these pictures to enlarge them to get a better look. this is the landing when you go upstairs in clives house (still need to draw the downstairs area as well as the basement) door 1. is the bathroom, door 2 is mama and daddy's room and then door 3. is clives room but i'm thinking about switching door 2 to being the bathroom because well that would just make more sense i think. lots of old wood paneling, old worn out floors. pictures of ancestors and family up on the walls with all kinds of little christian antique knick knacks

the bathroom has a lot of mold in the shower, lots of rust stains from the water as the pipes are probably not super great these days. more knick knacks on the shelf over the toilet which is also likely in pretty shitty (get it) condition old worn out towel and bath mat... we are going to see more of it in this next chapter which is going to have a whole scene for it.



and clives room or at least the corner that the bed is in. i still need to draw some more angles of the room but at the time i was drawing these it was late... really like those old bookcase headboards and i think clive would have one for all his little plushies/toys to sit on. i'll draw more angles and show you in my next post, but on the other side of his room would be a dresser and an old chair that has tons of stuffed animals stacked on it as well as his CD/tape player. theres more stuff im going to add when i draw them for the comic as i think the room would be a lot messier/overall dirtier than this and there would be a lot of damage to the walls/doors from his episodes

i really like drawing environments, there's so much that i have to worry about when drawing figures like pose and expression and anatomy but when it comes to drawing environments and scenery i feel like theres so much more you can do with it. like you can really express an emotion or a story throguh drawing places and i feel like its going to be a fun challenge trying to do just that by showing people clive's house a little more through this next chapter.

which working on this chapter was kind of a bust at the start serious blow to my inspiration and drive happened and ive just been in limbo especially when going through the outline i wrote to start doing sketches i realized i had to rewrite it and it was going to throw off the rest of the story. im just now getting to the point where i've been able to go back and fix up the structure of the story so i can continue on drawing it... i dont ever like to feel like im laying down the tracks as i go along w/ a project

people can do stuff however they want to do and i think i've talked about this before but im thinking about it a little hard tonight... i dont understand how people can just Rush their projects just for the sake of posting / producing something i fell into that mindset when i first started drawing quinn and then quickly realized that it was a mistaske.. esp now looking back at the artwork and seeing glaring mistakes that wouldn't be there if i had just taken my time with it and posted it when i was ready instead. i guess this is why i like to take my time with these recent chapters so much i really want to make sure i can look back on it and still enjoy it

anyways.. i think ive ran my mouth all i can run it tonight i am going to try and make a little bit of food and then get in the bed