03 MAR 2023
mood: 
listening to: this
weather: rainy, misty
it's been taking me ages to actually sit down and write this, i keep getting distracted and i'm super sleepy because of how cloudy and rainy it is outside today.....
regardless, its been a better week than i thought it would turn out to be. i had a presentation i had to give for a final and then i had 2 midterm exams yesterday that i was pretty worried about but i think i did better on my chemistry midterm than i was thinking i was going to. i guess i wont know until i get my grades back, but i'm feeling okay about it.
tuesday was literally the most beautiful day i've seen since moving out here, the sky was so blue and it was so so warm outside and it made me want to ditch class and go play in the river instead. i was good though and went to class and told myself id go the next day but it the weather wasn't nearly as good... and now here we are about to get blasted with cold again and possibly snow too!!!! which is exciting, but i was really hoping to be able to go swimming over break.
i guess that's the problem with having spring break this early in the year, but at the same time i'm relieved to finally catch a break. hit the ground running as soon as i moved here and now im finally going to be able to just sit down and not have to worry about anything for a week.
the months leading up to the move i was stressing about the move, then when i got here i was stressing about starting school, then stressing about starting work, then stressing about midterms and now that i'm out of things to stress over i guess im feeling kind of lost but at the same time im definitely not complaining because id rather just learn not to be stressed out than continue stressing out.. can you tell im a virgo...
didnt really realize how badly i was yearning for warmer weather until i felt it this week. im a big fan of every season but ive always been a little more partial to cooler seasons because i like wearing my winter clothes and how the landscape feels/looks during that time. but for some reason this year winter feels like its dragging on, even though its been unusually warm for february.
so im really looking forward to summer and being able to work outside during the summer too. i'm keeping my options open job-wise but in general im looking for stuff that i can do outdoors because to me that's super rewarding. plus who doesnt like being outside all day?
it's also been really nice being able to sit outside on the porch with my boyfriend, normally whenever he goes out to smoke i don't join him as i dont smoke and i don't like being cold. but the last few days were so nice i couldn't help but follow him out there and sit... and now i'm back to feeling like im turning into an icicle 24/7
my mom will be coming up to visit me this week, though i've been to see her many times now i don't think she's been up to see me since 2019 and that was back when i was still living in the barracks. now she'll finally get to see my apartment and meet my kitties for the first time, so that's exciting.
i'm trying to come up with some things for us to do while she's here, i wish she didn't have to work so much so that she could stay longer. it feels like older people are having to work harder and longer now and it makes me sad that my mom has to experience that. she's not super old or anything, but she's in her 60s and i feel like you shouldn't have to work fulltime when youre in your 60s unless you wanted to..
for some reason i was kind of obsessed w/ zillow this week and just kind of trawling through properties to see what was out there. it's my goal to get my own house sometime in the next 10 years which i understand is almost outlandish in this market
but a boy can dream i guess, i just really am tired of renting. especially when i could be paying the same amount i pay on rent on a mortgage and be able to do whatever i wanted with my space. i dont have any plans on trying to buy a house any time soon as i'm immensely broke and its looking like i'm about to be even broker soon, but i feel like if it's something you want to do you have to start doing it by thinking about doing it. so ive just been staring at houses on zillow and trying to pick my jaw up off the floor when i see the prices people are asking for literal shacks in the middle of nowhere with no land included.
maybe i'm just looking in the wrong areas, but i'd like to be able to stay in NC for now as i've been here for so long and i really have no reason to move back to texas with the way their government is there. there's a special place for texas in my heart but unfortunately i dont think i have a place in texas anymore - which for a texan feels very sad to say.
i don't even need any type of land, i just want to live somewhere as quiet as where i was living before where i can actually see the milky way at night and not have neighbors right up on my ass. although, with these 3 qualities right here youre probably already looking at least 350k.
well its like i said, just a distant dream for now - but one that i'd like to happen sometime within the next decade or two. im kind of slowly becoming painfully aware of my age recently, not sure what it is. maybe im so used to being the youngest person wherever i'm working or whatever and now i'm suddenly the olderst... feels very strange....
that's all i got for this week i think, nothing much happening but i'm soooo glad midterms are done with. now it's time to chill until finals roll around and rinse and repeat the process until i graduate i guess. hope U guys are doin great things out there ily