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saturdays are days where i just feel really really tired but today is especially sleepy feeling i'm not sure what it is... i spent all of may waiting on my sleep meds to come in the mail and then they did, started taking them and everything was working out pretty well for the most part. i had a few side effects because the meds lower your blood pressure but i was sleeping all the way through the night which is my biggest thing that i struggle with. well when i went to up the dose i started having a little more intense side effects and my blood pressure was dropping wayyyy way low and it was getting to where i was feeling randomly like i was abut to be sick/could barely stand the heat etc etc

so they switched me off of that one to another one and i took it on a sunday night because why not. no biggie. oh my god it really felt like hell the next morning i woke up and i was so tired, but i pushed myself to just go to work and assumed i would wake up once i got to work which is what normally happens. but instead i spent all my shift barely able to move/function etc and when i got home that day i slept for another 5 hours!!! i woke up and i was still so tired. i didn't feel fully awake until 7 or 8 pm almost 24 hours after taking the stuff.

so i tried one more time thinking that maybe it was just a one off. i had to call into work the next day, the exhaustion was crazy. tbh i don't think i have ever been that tired or disoriented inmy life if not in a very very long time... so needless to say i stopped taking that junk i have always had really bad luck with psych meds so i stay away from them but i was willing to try and find something to help me sleep again. sleep hasn't been great this week, went back to the old stuff just so i could at least get one good night of sleep on the weekends and i woke up this morning feeling like i'd been run over so i guess it's just all out of the cards right now. tried all the main stuff incl melatonin and it all just jacks me up in one way or another

so after writing this i will probably take a nap. i have a red bull next to me but i think i'll wait until after my nap to drink it as ihave been known to fall asleep in the middle of drinking energy drinks =P then after that, more art fight stuff. really love art fight, it is the highlight of my summer i think. which is funny, considering how i have never wanted to participate in it before until just a few years ago and irealized it's actually really fun and low-commitment.

work has been sapping all of my will to do stuff, i was waiting to hear some good news before i tried getting started on learning some new stuff i've been wanting to learn but i have realized that is not a great mindset to have and i think i should just go for it anyway. really want to learn blender, i'm not even big on 3D stuff but i think it would be a fun tool to use in my art nto sure how yet. it's also good to learn something new in general

anyways just checking in =] hope everyone is doing well... will be sharing some art fight attacks on here next time.

+ 07.07.24:
woah... hey... long time no see! well, long story short, i just felt like i had nothing to write about. i've also been doing art fight, it's been good to take a break from worrying about art and just drawing people's characters. it took me years to actually get into art fight, i always thought that it looked too overwhelming or that it was too much of a commitment. it wasn't until 2022 that i actually joined and ever since then it's been like my favorite part of the summer. i like how it's as chill or as intense as you want it to be.

you've probably noticed a new theme for the site and some cut pages as well. i might go back in and re-add some pages, but i think for now i want to try and keep things a little compact. too many pages and things stresses me out i think, so it's better for me to have something small and condensed. the blog will also now be one condensed page now as well, once it gets too long i'll just archive the pages.

hope you've been enjoying your summer, i did a whole bunch of pride month stuff with friends and i've been taking every chance i can to go explore and swim. nothing better than finding a good swimming hole with cold mountain water, you can swim until you shiver then jump out and bake in the sun on a rock until you get too hot... rinse and repeat. that's all i have for you guys right now, i'll be updating the art gallery soon. gallery will be for finished pieces and i'll be putting sketches in here.