25 may 2023

hope everyone is having a good spring! may is almost over and soon it'll be time for summer. i know i already mentioned this a few posts ago, but it's really crazy just how fast this month has gone by. this week has gone by fast too, i guess i've just been really busy with work and it's making my time go by faster. not much has been going on, just the same old same old i guess. today we started building some raised beds at work to grow some stuff in! there's tons of hemlock logs and scrap wood laying around that people have dumped so we're trying to reuse as much of it as we can.

came home and washed my hair, now it's time to clean up my pigsty desk so i can get drawing. i'm thinking about selling my intuos and getting a used screen tablet, i really love my ipad and it's great for schoolwork/drawing while out but for my art it's easier for me to work off of a computer. at the same time though, i really do enjoy the feeling of drawing directly on the screen so i'm just trying to weigh my options ig

also trying to decide what to do for dinner tonight. i want to get into cooking more, especially now that i have some actual kitchen space. my excuse in my old apartment was that there was barely any counterspace to cook and now i have tons, so the only thing keeping me from getting back into it is just laziness. when it comes to dinner i usually just do easy stuff like pasta, sandwiches, stuff that can be cooked up really fast. but i want to start doing some more complex stuff and exploring a little more... felt the need to clarify lol

well i'm off to start cleaning, don't really got a lot to say today. i'll talk to you guys later =]

before photo for the garden beds! hopefully i'll have an after picture soon.

sunset from the other night, it really made me miss my evening sunset walks.

20 may 2023

hi everyone =] it was a really short week for me since i had a 4 day weekend last week (sat-tuesday) so it's been kind of a weird feeling not having to go to work today. definitely not complaining though, i need the chillax time since my body is just crumbling to pieces at this point. i've never been super athletic or anything but despite how puny i am i've never had a lot of physical problems or chronic injury/pain until my last job.... it's really starting to come back and bite me in the ass now. all types of weird back pain, hip pain, carpal tunnel, you name it. newest issue is i can't do any kind of pinch-pull motion with my right hand which i plan on getting checked out soon. i have to make sure i get my back/hip checked out first though as that's something that's my main priority right now.

i had a VA appointment yesterday which was downtown in the city. there's something about downtown that throws me off so hard, i can never figure out where i'm supposed to go and i ended up driving in circles around the building i was supposed to be in. got so overwhelmed and was stressing about being late that i almost gave up and cancelled the appointment but i finally figured it out and i'm glad i did! there was a lot of good information i was able to get and things are right on track. it was both troublesome and relieving to hear that my paperwork wasn't handled very well so they're going to help me re-submit some claim stuff to make sure my injuries are properly rated this time.

but where to find the time between work and drs appointments and trying to have a life somewhere in between? it's definitely tricky haha especially with this job. we got to see our new "office" that we'll be moving all our equipment to soon, it's a really cute old house! that same day we helped sort through some recycling/donation stuff to get some things for the new place. there's a kitchen there so we wanted to get some pots and pans to cook stuff for work meetings/BBQs etc. not to mention there were tons of old books about all things ecological/landscaping in there. i'm pumped to help get it all cleaned up and ready for when everyone comes back from break.

we had to say bye to the foster kittens this week, it was so hard!!! slater and i were both pretty beat up about it, they were a handful but it was so great getting to help them. i just hope they go to a safe and loving home where they'll be able to play and sleep all day... if it weren't for us already having three cats i definitely would've ended up being a foster failure lol.

well, not much going on this week i guess. i think it's going to storm this afternoon but tomorrow it'll be sunny so i'm gonna try and soak it all in as much as i can, even though i'm soaking up more than enough sun outside all day at work lmfao. ill write again soon!

my view walking to/from work. something about it was just extra magical yesterday......

14 may 2023

it's a nice, warm, rainy sunday. perfect type of day to curl up and do nothing but i have been tidying up around the house while slater is away at work, that way we can cook dinner and spend time together this evening. i'm also feeling super inspired right now and that creative urge is Strong today so i'm trying to take advantage of that while it lasts. i'm also updating a few things around my website today, there's some stuff that just needs to get updated after sitting for so long. my gallery is something that i'd like to keep updated more than i already do now, i really like the amount of freedom that a personal webpage gives you with displaying your own art.

there's also some new links i'd like to add too. whenever someone has a links page on their website i always spend a long time trawling through all the different things just because it's always so interesting to me. it's really cool to see people's passions and interests from site to site and where things overlap between people. so i try to keep things interesting in there just so that way people can use my site as a way to find other cool things out there online since there's so much!

gonna work on some file organization for a little bit, i mostly want to just get my art inspiration folder together. whenever i find an artist that i really like i try to save their stuff so i can look at it for inspiration whenever. when i was younger i did this but i ended up deleting that folder for whatever reason and now i really REALLY regret doing that.. there's so many artists who ended up deleting their pages for whatever reason and now their works are lost forever =[ of course i respect peoples reasons for wanting their old art off the internet, it's something i did with all of my stuff once i reached a certain age and was embarassed by all my old stuff lol...

maybe i'll make an updated version of those "inspiration maps" that people used to make on dA. i always really liked seeing peoples different art inspirations and how they influence their own works. right now most of my art inspiration stuff is scattered across tumblr, pinterest and my external drive so i'm trying to consolidate it all into one spot so i don't have to rely on going to tumblr and pinterest every time i want to get inspired. anyways, just wanted to write something real quick about site updates that i'm planning, i hope everyone has a good sunday!

spring storms in the mountains are so calm compared to the ones we'd get in texas, i really love it

13 may 2023

went a whole week without posting anything oopsie! i've just been REALLY busy this week. my summer job (which is the same job i've been working over the spring, it's just 40 hours a week now) started this week and we really hit the ground running in order to get things looking nice for the ceremony they're having this weekend. it was a lot of work for just 5-6 people to tackle and by yesterday we were all super exhausted. it was just non-stop weedeating, brushcutting, leafblowing, sweeping, weeding, you name it we were doing it haha. but one of the nice things about landscaping super overgrown areas is that you really get to sit back and admire your work afterwards.

there are a number of reasons as to why things were so overgrown, but they're taken care of now. it was a little stressful having to just mow down lots of stuff when normally we try to keep anything that's flowering/blooming, especially native shrubs and flowers. which we did for the most part, but there were a few areas where the head honchos really insisted we just mow everything down.

but now it's done, and i have a long weekend to kick back and do nothing. well, i plan on being creative this weekend but today i'm going to take some time just to chill out since my body is just completely wrecked at this point. i need to get new boots, these ones pinch my toes in really badly. they're good for quick hikes but for all day working out in varied terrain they just eat my feet alive... i want to use my old boots, but i would have to dye them first. gotta look up how to properly dye suede workboots though before i do that, i would hate to ruin a perfectly good pair of bellevilles. they were the first pair of boots that i bought right out of training and followed me for the next 5 years so as silly as it is to say, theyre still special to me.

but now that i don't have to focus all my energy and effort into work, i feel kind of lost. i hate it when this happens, it's such a frustrating feeling and it makes me feel like i'm losing my humanity or anything that makes life feel worthwhile. hopefully now that my workload will even out for the rest of the summer that feeling will go away, but if not it's going to be a really long next 3 months. now i'm just mourning thinking about how i had absolutely no priorities or expectations last summer and got to spend my evenings out in the fields watching the sunset after a long forest walk... SIGH i miss it yall!!!

drew a card for my mom today, i meant to do it earlier this week but when i wasn't at work i was laying there trying to physically recover from work lol. but it's done and in the mail now even if it won't make it there before mothers day. i'm really out of practice drawing so i think that the rest of my weekend will be devoted to that, save for tuesday. tomorrow is also slater and i's 2 year anniversary which is CRAZY for me to think about. slater has really helped me grow so much as a person and has taught me so many things about what a healthy and loving relationship looks like. after spending almost a decade in a really awful relationship through crucial development points in my life i thought i wouldn't ever be able to be in a functional relationship but turns out that it's possible and it happened and i'm so lucky =]

anyways sorry for being goopy i just love my awesome bf like how can i Not gush about it. gonna draw something for that either today or tomorrow and since we both have the day off on tuesday i think we're gonna do something special then! for now though gonna go and try to tidy up the apartment since it's just a complete and total wreck and spend some time with the foster kittens. see yall later!

we took a break from work yesterday to go frolic in this field full of poppies and buttercups, the buttercups
were so yellow it hurt your eyes when you were standing in them!.

farther away. they're really pretty but unfortunately are smothering the cover crop that's planted there =/

may is giving us a lot of really beautiful sunny weather (and plenty of sunburn for me..)

and lastly, simon and his teddy bear he loves this thing so much

06 may 2023

WTF is going on with may?! it feels like the month just started but it's already the 6th, time seems to be going by extra fast this month for whatever reason. maybe it was just because i was stressing out for so long about the end of the semester that it snuck up on me or something... idk. speaking of, yesterday was my chemistry final so now i'm officially done for the spring! yet for some reason i don't exactly feel relieved... i think once i get my grade back for the final i'll feel better but by then i'll have already started work for the summer so there's no time to sit back and relax.

i already got my grades back for my other two finals, one of which i still managed to get 100 on despite submitting it a whole day late because i didn't realize it was due. either way, i want to do better with my grades overall next semester because i feel like after midterms i just sort of stopped caring... mostly because of just how depressed i got around then and was questioning what the hell i was doing. that still hasn't really changed i guess, but i have more of a plan now. gonna carry on through the next semester and if i'm still feeling this way i'll switch to something else - there's also a number of other factors at play but i'll be seeing if they unfold or not over the next few months. fingers crossed though

it's been really nice to have most of the week off, i've been able to spend a lot of time w/ slater. but it's back to work on tuesday and it's going to be a lot of hours and a lot of work... i'm looking forward to it, but at the same time i'm dreading it haha you know how it is. it'll be nice to be able to switch my brain off for a few months before i have to go right back to it all in august.

yesterday i started working on ch 4 of quinn as it's been a whole year since i uploaded the last chapter. that chapter itself took me a year to complete, but i had been consistently working on it throughout that time... but with this one, i haven't even touched it. there were some small things i did here and there that i ended up eventually scrapping for whatever reason, but i haven't even touched anything like thumbnails or sketches.

despite all the time that i had last year to create, i felt so uninspired and creatively drained. i'm still feeling this way now.. but i also realize now that it might not ever go away and that shouldn't stop me from creating as i still want to make things, it's just become almost impossible for me to. yet, it makes me happy and i like doing it. this webcomic has been a really fun medium for me to explore and play with and it was a seriously huge breakthrough for me creatively and i want to make sure it gets completed, even if it takes ages.

there are some things that need to be entirely reworked though, and when i went to go get the old scripts/outlines i wrote in 2020 i discovered that they weren't even there anymore. thankfully i'm not too upset because like i said, pretty much all of it has to be rewritten and it feels nice to suddenly have the storyline wide open for me to play with again. outlining everything and writing it out makes such a huge difference for me and really helps me get in the mindset to actually sit down and draw the panels that need to be drawn, it lets me sit and figure out what kind of atmosphere i want to capture with whatever it is i'm working on.

if i do a little bit every day, it'll eventually get done. but if i keep waiting for myself to feel inspired/creative again, it will very likely sit unfinished forever and i'll hate myself for that. i tend to get lost in the little things a lot, and there's so much that i feel like needs to be fixed that it makes me not want to touch it at all... some of this is necessary like rewriting the story, some of it is more me being picky like wanting to go back and redo the art from the first 2 chapters (which is just unrealistic atp).

there's also the challenge of switching mediums. i've illustrated the first 3 chapters on procreate with a binary brush that only has 3 size settings which makes it incredibly tedious to draw with. i also have to work at really specific file sizes which means i then have to go back and compress the images to where they don't look fucking crazy but also don't look like they've been run over by a tractor 40 times which is basically impossible. so i decided to stop using procreate for comic purposes (at least for this one) and switch to using paint and photoshop as i'm more comfortable drawing in this style on paint. it also gives me the effects i want without having to work on large files and any sort of editing can be easily touched up on photoshop.

so yeah.. lots of factors that all go into it. i ended up talking way more than i wanted to, just got a lot of comic stuff on my mind and i'm ready to get on with it and start working on it at least semi-regularly again. but for now, gotta run down to the store and get all the stuff that i forgot to get at walmart last night... =P see yall later

03 may 2023

hi everyone, i hope you're all having a good week. it's gotten kind of cold again recently, all the spring weather suddenly disappeared. it does get nice and warm in the afternoons though but not too hot to where it's unbearable. school and work have been going good, chemistry final is on friday and as much as i don't want to do it i'm ready to get it over with. worked most of the day yesterday so i could get the rest of my work hours out of the way just to focus on studying and not have to worry about anything else.

although, didn't get any studying today. it's really rare that slater and i have a day off together so i wanted to spend some time together doing something fun. most of our time at home together is spent recouperating from work/school so it's good to actually spend some quality time. since the weather was so nice we decided to go to the mountains today and explore some. we ended up on attakulla/mt mitchell and it was super cold up there compared to down in the valley.

we walked around some and took some pictures but the wind eventually beat us and we went back home. it was a nice day trip and a lot of fun, especially on such a nice day like today. it made me really want to get a camera though lol... just don't have the money for it right now. so many things i'd like to dump money on right now but i just can't. camera, weather station, radio stuff...

which speaking of radio stuff, i think i want to try and get into amateur radio more. i don't really know anything beyond the basic comms stuff i learned in the army but i would really like to learn more about it. there's a club that has open meetings every thursday night and i'm thinking about checking it out. they stream the meetings over zoom so i might check out one of those first then go to an in-person one since i'm kind of shy lol

all in all i think it would be a cool hobby to get into over the summer while i'm not having to worry about school and shit. thankfully next semester will go easier on me as i'm in 2 art classes, a war philosophy class and a python class. i'm pretty excited for the python one since i know absolutely 0 things about it so once again a fun skill to pick up.

well, i think i'm gonna wrap this up, play some age of empires and take a nice shower then snuggle down. should probably get some water before i drop off to sleep though. i'm trying to kick soda or at least limit myself to one a day but it's so hard. i'm not one of these people who will replace it with flavored water (except la croix) b/c i feel like youre just drinking juice at that point. ok ending this for real bc i have kittens climbing all over me

here's one of the views from the summit of attakulla/mt mitchell. it's easy to pick out hawksbill and table rock from their distinct shapes

so quiet except for the sound of the wind rushing through the trees

slater and i were discussing that we should dress up and do a black metal photoshoot out here sometime